You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
