I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
