This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
