it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I party with great urgency now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
