"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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