I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
