my sisters under your porch take her home
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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