I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
