I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I died a long time ago.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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