unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
