Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
