I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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