At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
