That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
