Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
