You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
