just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
