So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
