she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
