The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
