I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she told me i tasted like america
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
