I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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