the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
