Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
