just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
