it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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