; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
