Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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