I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
