1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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