her vagine was all disorganized.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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