Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
