i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
