then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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