I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
honey bunches of taint.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
