we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
