Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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