That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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