Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
