I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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