She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
