high people should be assigned attendants
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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