True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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