i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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