They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
