Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
