i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
