remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
