before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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