I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
