I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
