Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
